Intro 101: How to intro people without it feeling weird
Introducing people is hard and a bit unnerving. Just make sure it's useful information that paints the right picture.
Had a friend ask me how to properly introduce me and my business partner/husband to others in his network. It’s honestly a very difficult thing to do. It’s not something we are generally taught, particularly digitally.
The biggest thing to remember here is it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other people.
To be totally honest, I learned how to introduce people by watching the movie Bridget Jones Diary, a clip that I won’t embed here. You can go look for it yourself, as there’s a whole part of it that’s NSFW.
There’s one scene of Bridget and her friends at the bar the night before talking about how to introduce people, then there’s a scene where Bridget is at a party introducing people and forcing herself to not say the things she really wants to.
What I did learn from the set of scenes around introductions was this short checklist:
Keep the focus on the other people, not yourself.
Say the person’s name when you introduce them to the other person. Repeat again throughout the whole thing so people get other’s names down.
Say something thoughtful about them, preferably a reason why you think it’s important they know each other. If you don’t have any of that, go with super basic info.
Bridget Jones did a great job of not listening to her inner voice in the introduction scene and going with some very simple basics. She got it over with very quickly, which is something I suggest if you are struggling, as I can tend to land in over-explanation land (no one reading this is probably shocked by this).
It went something like this:
“Mark, this is Perpetua. Perpetua, this is Mark. Perpetua, Mark is a top barrister and works at (whatever firm). Mark, Perpetua is a work colleague”
Leave out humor, unless you are completely sure it’ll work.
Whatever things you want to say out loud that you might find hilarious, leave it out unless you really understand the humor of both people really, really well.
I’ve definitely been introduced to someone in the past whose partner said what would be considered a super personal and not-so-flattering thing about them. It was said in a way that it was clear the talker thought it was hilarious, not at all problematic - he wasn’t good at reading the room at all. Unfortunately now, when I think of that person that’s the first thing I think of.
So, keep this in mind when you introduce people. If you are scared to give details, default to super basic ‘this person works here’ or ‘they live there’. Whatever you say could stick with people forever. Remember first impressions matter and this is their first of this other person.
Also remember, a lot of people don’t know how to do this at all so the fact that you are even trying can be memorable and appreciated.
Be ready to support the conversation
Once you introduce people there might be a little bit of work on your part if it’s in person to get people going.
They might just say ‘hello’ and everyone goes back to what they were talking about previously. This is why I prefer digital intros but we’ll get into that.
If you need to support the conversation because the intro stalled it a little bit you can always:
Restart where the conversation stopped: Bring the new person into the conversation that most recently walked into it “(name), we were just talking about (subject) when you came up, and (someone) was mentioning how they (something you’ll have to recall yourself).
Start a new subject: This one isn’t for the weak, but if you have enough information to go off of, you can bring them together more by talking about something they both have in common, like having both visited a country or some interest in sports.
Ask the ‘new person’ something/anything: Whoever joined the conversation last, ask them if they are enjoying the party/event, you can even go into the ‘what are you drinking/eating’ or a wardrobe compliment. People like compliments so anything can do, here.
A little asking goes a long way
If you want bonus points, when you are meeting someone new, or if you want to introduce them to someone ASK THEM how they want to be introduced. It’ll also help you to solidify in your brain when you are speaking about them later on so you are consistent with the picture you are painting.
This same friend I was talking about who asked how to introduce? He introduced me for over a decade as a marketer when I really wasn’t. But that’s what was in his brain. We spent many an evening over wings and beer talking about all the other things I did but, he just couldn’t get it out of his head. I’d mentioned once that part of my job had a marketing aspect to it, but I mostly managed marketing projects, and it never left.
Not his fault. It was the way I was framing all the other things that I did. Marketing can stick out. Kind of like administrative work - it’s easier to visualize than other things sometimes.
He’s now learned to ask. Some people may not want the first thing people know about them to be something that seems perfectly acceptable to you. Perhaps they are in a relationship shake-up, seeking work, or doing something in life they’d rather share themselves. If you are, for instance, recently divorced and introduced as such, and you really don’t want to talk about it, that could make for a really awkward few minutes or entire evening.
Asking people how they’d like to be introduced not only helps you understand them, it gives them an opening to do the same for you. It is not out of the question to practice with them.
Introverted intros aka introductions over social media/email
For LinkedIn or email, this can be a little different, but the same rules generally apply. In a real-life, in-person conversation you typically cannot introduce people and then say “I’ll leave you two to connect as you will” and just leave. I mean, you might be able to, but that might make it more awkward for everyone else. Some people are really good at introing and dipping out with a “oh, excuse me” or “I must go attend to (insert need for the party or event)”. I never could quite get the hang of this part, honestly.
You can do this in the digital world and it’s totally fine. So for us introverts this is great. In fact, it’s a little weird to have people go back and forth on a three-person messaging thread that you are just watching happen. So giving them all an out of sorts to pop into their own discussion makes this transition easier. They might both thank you in the thread and then say they’ll connect or email but at this point it’s up to them. Your work is done.
On LinkedIn or in email when I intro two people, I generally do this checklist:
Gain consent:
I make sure in a 1:1 message with the person I’m introducing that it’s ok to do so. This also helps so they know what medium I’ll be using so they are paying attention to it, and I like to work off of consent in case for some reason they aren’t ready or open to it. Just a quick “hey, I have someone I’d like to intro you to that does x/y/z or is interested in (whatever), are you ok if I introduce you?”
With some people I know I have carte blanche to intro anyone at anytime. And I know that because we’ve talked about it. This is part of keeping in touch with people over time, being of service/help.
I also ask how they’d like to be introduced in case there’s something specific, like they are transitioning to a particular industry or building a business.
Subject line of email “Person 1, meet person 2. Person 2, please meet person 1”
Body of email:
Hello all/everyone/friends, I’m (insert emotion) to introduce you both to each other. I typically say ‘elated or happy’ because honestly, am generally feeling that when I connect people.
Person 1, Person 2 is (insert specifics that pertain to why I feel they might enjoy knowing each other), and (something more personal but hopefully another connection point like sports, location, college, etc.).
Person 2, Person 1 is (insert specifics that pertain to why I feel they might enjoy knowing each other), and (something more personal but hopefully another connection point like sports, location, college, etc.).
You both might really enjoy getting to know each other. (Insert any striking similarities not already covered)
I’ll leave you two to connect as you like.
(closing of “best to you both” or something similar)
It got easier really fast
Once I got over how weird it felt initially to do this, now I really enjoy it. Sometimes it goes nowhere. Sometimes, people find they connect on some deeper level to help each other out as humans. Either way, leave it to them at that point to engage. You’ve done the great work of connecting two people. Good job!
It got easier quickly because for the most part, people like to be thought of. They are usually flattered, sometimes even surprised to be thought of.
Keep practicing
Like anything, just keep trying. Some people are naturally good at it, but a lot of the people that seem they are naturally good at it probably practiced it or picked up a way to pull it off.
If you see someone good at it, ask them about it. Again, people love compliments. They probably have a pattern they built in their brain of how to quickly and easily make those connections so it seems super easy, but at some point, they had to build synapses in their head to make it happen. That could have been early on in life, it could have been a week ago. Either way, if you see someone that’s good at this, ask them questions and compliment them on what you like about how they do it.
They may not think they are great at it, and you’ve just identified a way to intro them, a way they might be able to contribute to a stalled conversation, and a way to compliment them all in one statement.
Now, consider someone introducing you
Take a few minutes and think about how you might like someone to introduce you. It perhaps could be different in the situation between someone who might be a really solid friend candidate versus a business connection, but what might any of those situations look like. Would there be similarities no matter what?
How do you want to be known, remembered, and spoken of? Start there and see where you get. Whatever you come up with is a great way to introduce yourself.
It’s also a great exercise to think on this in terms of goal planning. Is there something about how you’d like to be introduced that is more aspirational right now? Great way to set a goal is to have a bunch of people introduce you as someone with that goal.
Good luck. I’m sure you’ll do great at this. If you’ve got questions, or even want to practice, message me.
I’ll leave you with my favorite introduction ever, from the movie A Knight’s Tale. It’s insane, it’s a lot, and it’s memorable. Now, you might have a friend that can just nail this type of intro for you, maybe not, but Chaucer here in about 2 minutes still gets the basics and it becomes something people look forward to throughout the movie.
how they met
where he’s from
why he’s awesome
With the result of people are genuinely excited to now meet/see this person.
Want more tips, ideas, and ways to show the world your value, likely with a few movie references mixed in?